Thursday, June 16, 2011

I'm Still Here, Just as Unfocused as Ever

Well, hey there! I kind of fell off the face of the planet, didn't I? At least the blogging planet (not that my posts were all that regular anyway, ahem). Meh. It happens. My apologies.

Never fear, though. I have been doing other, writerly things, which is good. I started another short story (actually, I think what I really have are just a few really good scenes, but I'll take it), got some critiques in for other writers (hope they were helpful), spent some time scribbling some for-my-eyes-only ideas in a private journal, etc. But it's always a struggle, this parsing out of the extra time that I have. A friend of mine, a writer (a damned fine writer), mother of two pre-teen girls, calls this battle--between the time spent doing what we have to do to earn money to pay the bills and the time we have to do what we want to do--the new math. Twenty-four hours per day minus eight to ten for the "real" job, minus six or eight for sleep minus a few more for some miscellaneous stuff (eating, showering, playing tug with the dog, posting photos of said dog on Facebook. You know, the important stuff!) and poof! day is almost over. Sure, I have time to do something each day. But just one something most days. I can either work on the blog OR write in a journal OR work on a manuscript OR read something OR OR OR...I find it frustratingly difficult to juggle everything or work on anything with any worthwhile regularity. I guess I could jettison all kinds of crap from my brain on these pages, just to get something up, but that doesn't really feel like a good use of time or this space. One of the reasons I started the blog was to try to make sense of all that detritus that's built up in the ole noggin. It takes me a considerable amount of time to edit that stuff into (somewhat) coherent essays.  I don't know if that's more a commentary on my weaknesses as a writer or on the sorry state of my brain...Regardless, the point here (somewhere), is that this is the new math and I kind of suck at math (thanks a lot Mrs Murdocca)

Wah wah wah. I know. Want some cheese with that whine?

Seriously, it is frustrating. What gets the attention? What deserves it more? I absolutely loathe the idea of mapping out a schedule (i.e Mondays I post, Tuesdays I work on manuscripts, Wednesday I go completely nuts from following some stupid and arbitrary schedule) like I loathe a new Coldplay single. Ugh.  No. That won't work.  Know what else isn't really panning out for me? My quest for a Medici-like patron (or, in more current parlance, "sugardaddy"). Nor are my lottery numbers hitting. So...I'm left with this problem of subtraction.

Maybe I'll get better at it. Maybe I'll suddenly become an expert in time-management. Maybe I'll find the kind of discipline that one needs to be able to grab a minute here or there and accomplish something.  For now though, I have to go with whatever feels right, I guess. I guess if I'm really hot on a manuscript, then that's going to be my focus until it grows cold, posts be damned, right? You guys understand, right? Right?

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